- I will not torment the emotionally frail
- I will not show off
- I will not call the principal "spud head"
- I will not carve gods
- I will not waste chalk
- I will not aim for the head
- I will not skateboard in the halls
- I will not barf unless I'm sick
- I will not burp in class
- I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
- I will not instigate revolution
- I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
- I will not draw naked ladies in class
- I will not conduct my own fire drills
- I did not see Elvis
- I will return the seeing-eye dog
- Funny noises are not funny
- I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
- I will not snap bras
- Garlic gum is not funny
- I will not fake seizures
- They are laughing at me, not with me
- I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
- I am not certified to remove asbestos
- "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
- I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
- I will remember to take my medication
- The boys room is not a water park
- Beans are neither fruit nor musical
- Nerve gas is not a toy
- "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
- The First Amendment does not cover burping
- Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
More Bart Simpson Chalk Board Intros -->
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