- I will not cut corners
- I will not squeak chalk
- I do not have diplomatic immunity
- I will not charge admission to the bathroom
- I will not get very far with this attitude
- Goldfish don't bounce
- I will not make flatulent noises in class
- Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
- I will not belch the National Anthem
- No one is interested in my underpants
- I will not sell land in Florida
- I will not sell miracle cures
- I will not grease the monkey bars
- Underwear should be worn on the inside
- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
- The Christmas pageant does not stink
- I will not do anything bad ever again
- The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
- I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
- Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
- I do not have power of attorney over first graders
- Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
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