-
"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the
guy who can't speak English."
- "Marge,
I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex.
It's also the food preparation."
- "Lisa,
if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't,
it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as
hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
- "Aw,
Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very
old man, and old people are useless."
- "It's
not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child,
but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day."
- "Getting
out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced
against all races."
-
"Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!"
-
"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory,
communism works. In theory."
- "You
think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge:
they won't let me. One quality show after another, each
one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they
only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves,
but they won't! They won't let me live!"
- "Television!
Teacher, mother, secret lover."
- "I
want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want
to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different
time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want
to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?"
- "I've
always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there
is -- and it's me."
- "Lisa
honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal
again? What about bacon?"
- "All
normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there
was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'.
I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win
friends with salad."
- ''To
Start Press Any Key''. Where's the ANY key?
- "You
can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once,
and move on."
- "Now,
son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies
and kids with fake IDs."
- "English
- Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"
- "I
think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills.
Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when
I'm around!"
- "Go
ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy."
- "I
have feelings too - like ''My stomach hurts'' or ''I'm
going crazy!'
- "Yes,
honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little
ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that
day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle."
- "OK,
son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if
you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"
- "Me
lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?"
-
"Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're
both potential murderers."
- "No!
No no no no no no! Well, yes."
- "Ah,
beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will."
- "Well,
I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be
a league bowler!"
- "They
have the Internet on computers, now?"
- "Facts
are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything
that's even remotely true!"
- "When
I look at the smiles on all the children's faces,,...I
just know they're about to jab me with something."
- "Son,
this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not
okay to lose."
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